HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
by The Scene on August 16th, 2008
Oh wow. We can’t tell if this is pathetic or hilarious. Is there a word that means both pathetic and hilarious at the same time? Is it “Kevin Farley”? What about
“Kelsey Grammer”?
The mind reels.
Tucker Max
by The Scene on August 8th, 2008
For the past week or so Gawker has been putting forth a whole bunch of effort attempting (and succeeding) to tear Professional Douchebag Tucker Max a new asshole by way of making fun of his god-awful movie script. This reminded us of the time we met Tucker Max and were fairly perplexed by the whole phenomenon.
A few years ago, Tucker came to to speak at the institution of higher education we were currently attending. He was brought by, we think, the ACLU as a part of some program to get apathetic college students to care about free speech issues. We went expecting a Larry Flynt-style extolation of the First Amendment but it was mostly just Tucker genially talking about his life story and going off on pointless tangents about personal grudges and feuds he was having with various people none of us had ever heard of.
At the end of his talk he said he was going to go out drinking at a bar near campus if anyone wanted to join him. It was a Monday but we we’re down to drink because we were Sociology majors and doing homework wasn’t something we were all that concerned with. We ended up hanging out with Tucker for a couple hours and he seemed like a fairly average, if highly ambitions, frat-bro with an uncanny ability to steer any conversation, no matter what the subject, back onto himself. He talked about a TV show he was in the process of creating and, after it started running, manufacturing a false feud between himself and the actor portraying his character. He seemed like he knew what he was talking about.
After a couple hours of light drinking he slipped off back to his hotel but there was a really interesting and perplexing phenomenon at work: there were seven or eight girls at the bar in the group of people hanging out with Tucker, and every one of them was trying their damnedest throw themselves at him. This is a guy who has made a career out of treating the women he hooks up with like absolute shit but, lo and behold, here are a whole gang of ladies (of the female persuasion) trying to get into one of his stories. Was it an instance of wishful star-fucking? The age-old tale of girls going for the asshole? Axe body spray? Question mark? Any help?
Best. Review. Ever.
by The Scene on July 22nd, 2008
We’ve been reading P4k pretty much daily for a long time. Ever since we were wee high school lads and the venerable indie hive-mind correctly informed us how urgent it was (very) that we listen to Modest Mouse’s Lonesome Crowded West immediatly.
They’re been around for nearly a century (internet time), and only today have they finally crafted an absolutely perfect record review.
Pardon?
by The Scene on July 22nd, 2008
After nearly a decade of listing to and playing music as loudly as humanly possible (we steadfastly believe that, when the situation arises, it is acceptable to go to eleven), we may have slightly damaged our hearing. By “slightly” we mean, “What? Can you repeat that? Elephants? Sorry, we still didn’t- You’re not saying elephants are you? No? What? Yeah, we’re just going to leave.” This often makes going to bars/Urban Outfitters/pan-Asian fusion restaurants/trendy children’s hair salons/anywhere that plays really loud music a difficult place to carry on all really the important conversations we have on a daily basis. (Even though the only things we ever talk about are the plotlines from 90’s kids TV shows that no one else remembers).
Anyway, researchers in France did a study demonstrating that people consume more alcohol when “loud environmental music” is playing. We’re don’t know what the “loud environmental music” is they’re referring to is but, if we had to guess, we’d probably go with “Journey”. Our most sincere hope is that the proprietors of the bars we frequent don’t read Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research, the journal where the study was published, and crank up their volumes accordingly although we get the feeling that this might become CW pretty quick.
We’d like to have quick conversation with all the bar owners/employees reading this. If you work at a bar/cafe/the Gap and have infulence over the volume, join me below the picture of two adorable children plugging their ears.
So here’s the deal: this is how you determine the correct volume for your establishment. You ask yourself this question: is the music the most important thing for your customers to hear? Is the answer no? Well turn it the fuck down.
Thanks.
It’s Called A Spam Filter
by The Scene on May 8th, 2008
In the previous post we were left pondering exactly what Bob Lefsetz’s problem with Clive Davis was. We assumed it was that Clive had said something mean to Bob in like 1976 but, in reality, it’s actually something much much stupider. Bob doesn’t like that Clive sends him lots of promotional marketing emails. Also Bob used to want to bone Whitney Houston but not anymore because now she’s old and while she said that “crack is whack,” she didn’t really seem to believe it.
If it’s acceptable to start feuds over spam email then there are a lot of Nigerian princes that are about to get their asses burned off.
FLAME WAR!
Homework
by The Scene on May 7th, 2008
Read Bob Lefsetz’s rant about how the kids now days don’t appreciate the years of hard work and sacrifice it takes to be one of the four bands from the 60s he thinks are good.
We’re Old And Have Opinions About Things
by The Scene on May 5th, 2008
The other day we were watching Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon (as we sometimes do) and we caught a music video by a tween act called the Naked Brothers Band. No, it’s not child porn - but thanks for wondering. It’s actually a bunch of 13-year olds pretending to be a clean cut version of AC/DC. For what it is, musically, it’s pretty passable. While watching it, something happened to us that we don’t think has occurred in maybe five years - we were legitimately offended by something.
We, almost as a rule, are very rarely offended by anything. Crazy religious figures can say whatever nutty shit they want and we’ll barely bat an eyelash. Heck. we’ve become so desensitized that we don’t even have to stop to analyze an comment to think about if we find it offensive or if we simply think that other people will find it offensive because it’s universally the latter. So when we watched the music video for the Naked Brothers Band’s “I Don’t Want To Go To School” we had to step back for a second and try to figure out what this emotion was that we were feeling.
The song starts like this: “I don’t wanna go to school, yes it’s true/ I don’t wanna see a teacher’s face every morning.” Now maybe we’re just getting old but this seems like a pretty terrible message to be selling to 12-year olds. Yeah, you can say that the sentiment isn’t new and what’s being marketed to kids in other songs that glorify drug use (which is totally cool in our boot, btw) are often heard by kids. But kids aren’t the sole demographic for those other songs. “I Don’t Want To Go To School” isn’t in any way targeted at people over the age of 15. This song is speaking directly to kids and saying “School sucks, don’t go.”
We’re not arguing that every song needs to have a squeaky clean positive message or that youthful displeasure with the American educational system is, as Alice Cooper would surely argue, a novel topic, but there is something disconcerting about the directness of the pitch and the narrowness of the target audience.
Now, you kids, get off our lawn.
This Happened
by The Scene on May 1st, 2008
SFTS: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married.
OUR FRIEND: To each other?
SFTS: I think so, thats what the thing I read said.
OF: Crazy!
SFTS: I think shes like 40 and he’s like 15 or something. But…umm…I’m sure that this’ll sell lots of DVD copies of Drumline.
OF: I’m sure it’s the only way Mariah can make news.
SFTS: I think she has a number one hit right now. I just read something the other day that said she now has more number one hits than Elvis, which made me sad because she is terrible at not making songs that make me want to claw my eyes out.
Blast From The Past
by The Scene on April 25th, 2008
So it turns out that last week’s Blast From The Past rocked so hard it took us 2 days of delay to think of something nearly as cool as Edgar Winter bashing out our collective brains.
This week, we’re going waaaaaay back in the past to one of the first music videos ever made. These were younger, more innocent times, before the internet, freeways, Al Qaida, and Jack In The Box pumpkin-flavored milkshakes. This was from an era in which you could be a ridiculously jacked bald man with an earring and tight white shirt and people wouldn’t assume you’re gay; rather they just assume you’ve broken and entered through their kitchen window to help them clean diamonds. Um, just watch the video and you’ll see what we mean.
Question & Answer
by The Scene on April 25th, 2008
Q: What’s the name of Ann Boleyn’s blue-collar rap equivalent?
A: Ain’t Bowlin’
Sorry.
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